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Chicken Mama

by chicken mama

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1.
Come and see the blinking light, growing as a wind is flight Darkness marks a hidden land, where truth and word go hand in hand Never could we know how she spins Weaving at the core of what begins And when it does, day breaks her loose Come and hear the great hello, listen as it gently rows Through the sea of all our airs, listen past the looks and stares Never could we know how she spins Weaving at the core of what begins And when it does, day breaks her loose Come and dance the night to rest, beating through these leaps and steps Candle that so quickly burns -- oh, the sight that darkness earns Never could we know how she spins Weaving at the core of what begins And when it does, day breaks her loose
2.
Broken 03:04
Ooh, I am broken, I am broken Ooh, I am broken, I am broken And I don’t wanna be fixed again Why does a bird fall down from a tree, tryin’ a fly before she gets the speed Oh, there’s nothin’ wrong with tryin’, we all gotta fall before we get to flyin’ Sometimes we wanna look pretty… Ooh, I am broken, I am broken Ooh, I am broken, I am broken And I don’t wanna be fixed again How does a bird know when she’s ready to spread her wings and keep ‘em steady Is there a secret sign or a clue the time is right and her vision is true Sometimes it doesn’t look pretty… Ooh, I am broken, I am broken Ooh, I am broken, I am broken And I don’t wanna be fixed again Ooh, I am broken, I am broken Ooh, I am broken, I am broken And I don’t wanna be fixed again I just wanna be what I am
3.
This train is leavin’, leavin’ for good The station I’ve been in has misunderstood All of the flowers, served with a kiss That you smelled deeply, sir, one day you’ll miss And I won’t be waitin’, ‘cause the river is runnin’ And I found something better inside of myself The season is changin’, I’ve been so cold Tight as you held me, when feelings grow old They hide in the corners, hide from the love Hide with a fear from all we’ve dreamed of Well I won’t be waitin’, ‘cause the river is runnin’ And I found something better inside of myself You can write letters, seal them with blood All of my tears have mixed in the mud There are no words, nor enough truth To burn through the madness you lost with your youth Well I won’t be waitin’, ‘cause the river is runnin’ And I found something better inside of myself No, I won’t be waitin’, ‘cause the river is runnin’ And I found something better inside of myself Yes, I found something better inside of myself
4.
Oooh, oooh Oooh, oooh I want a smile, give me a smile Give me a smile, I haven’t seen one in a while This boat starts to think, if I only had a drink All the salt in the water, whoa Oh, I want to see in a better light But all I have is what I know… I want the love, give me the love Give me the love, please don’t hang it high above Through the curtain I can see you want to rescue me I’m not the one stuck in the branches of a tree Oh, I want to feel that it will be right Through the ups and downs and the lows… Oooh, oooh Oooh, oooh I want some peace, just a piece of the peace Give me some peace, I’ll be standing on my feet Show me your stars, turn out the lights The city can go without for a night Mama told me life doesn’t come easy Guess I better find some light in the night Don’t have any monsters under my bed, the demons live in my head Hey, yeah… I’ll tell you somethin’ about feelin’ alone All of those somethin’s live in your dome Lookin’ at a dog, lookin’ at a dog Lookin’ at a dog, and he’s lookin’ at me...
5.
Backroads 03:24
We’re takin’ backroads, gonna get there slowly When the day comes, we’ll be ready You’re gonna wish you were here If you’re not here yet Come on my love, come into the question with me We’re here and it makes no sense if we’re not here for each other All the snails come out in the rain Birds are silent from the car Smells go past, we can’t snap their photographs Nor a shooting star We’re here and it makes no sense if we’re not here for each other You’re gonna wish you were here If you’re not here yet Slow down my love, slow into this tension with me We’re here and it makes no sense if we’re not here for each other Ways a mountain speaks to future lovers: Little wild blueberries and silent mother Comin’ down on the dark moon Almost fell twice but instead I swooned We’re here and it makes no sense if we’re not here for each other You’re gonna wish you were here If you’re not here yet
6.
Oh, there’s no getting close to me when I’m in this state I came into the battle worn and know it as my fate Some may fight to win, and well if with a cause Where I’m from, we fight to love, no sense to hedge the loss I sing at night, you bloom in the day We are two different creatures, walkin’ too different ways I’ve been told it’s broken, this beating in my chest All I saw were omens, and I’m ‘fraid I failed the test What’s the point in lookin’ up, when it looks we’re goin’ down? All I know is what we’ve sown, and it’s barren in the ground I sing at night, you bloom in the day We are two different creatures, walkin’ too different ways I sing at night, you bloom in the day We are two different creatures, walkin’ two… Too… Too… Too… Too… Different Ways
7.
Do you believe in sacred dangers, would you open your heart to anyone? What is the secret that you keep behind your knitted brows and your crossed arms? Let’s go a few inches lower and deeper, who is the keeper of your appetite? Is there a fear there of being taken? If you’re askin’ me, well, I just might Hey, hey Hey, yeah… If you had wings and lots of money, where would you go, and what would you do? Does it hurt to even think about it, isn’t it painful when we’re not getting through? What is the difference between having and wanting everything we can fit inside? Is there a fear there of being taken, once again from the inside? Hey, hey Hey, yeah… Well I don’t know for sure about fairies and unicorns, but I’ve hung around with some big tall trees And I never get answers without asking questions, so I’m wondering what you’ve got up your sleeve Hey, hey Hey, yeah...
8.
Coyote Eyes 03:39
Wah oh, wah oh, wah oh, wah oh I went down to the hidden grove, where it is nobody knows, no What I found was a hidden tree, with a hole that held me within its core Little stairs inside that safe, up and down I chose my game, and I continue Center folded into hands, so when we touch I understand what continues Up a branch into coyote eyes, there I am in two coyote eyes Wah oh, wah oh, wah oh, wah oh Then night falls, as all things do The path goes forward, our walk is true Feet on sand and hand in yours It must be late, but we must explore What would i find behind those stars? A chest of brambles and a clear heart And on these rocks, made of moon I weave new light upon ancient loom Well it’s been found this weave is all For what’s been woven will fall So don’t go frozen, my fiery friend Lift the sky with me again Wah oh, wah oh, wah oh, wah oh
9.
I forgot that I was the water, flowin’ to the ocean blue Tried to tame the fury, didn’t break a rock ‘Til that old sand asked me to Cozy would it be to stay in one piece Closing the whispers that grow underneath I am a river coming home to you Silver in the night, you greet me All my pieces enter you, everything scatters, nothing is lost Even those that wash away -- they’re all inside, it takes nothing It takes nothing, it takes nothing It takes nothing, it takes nothing To be big enough for all the salt in the ocean Ooh, on the way I may linger in a marsh Clearing out what’s no longer needed To give more of me to you More of me to you, wah uh oh Who will I be without riverbanks Walls to keep the fury? How will I move, moving boundary What creatures live in my depth now? I forgot that I was the water, flowin’ to the ocean blue It takes nothing, it takes nothing It takes nothing, it takes nothing To be big enough for all the salt in the ocean
10.
Dappled morning light, no more starshine Now the city’s here and we’ve all gone blind There were redwood trees where we walk upon Now there’s concrete and some tended lawns Still runs the river, still runs the river Still runs the river, still runs the river How did people live when the woods were here Moving with the changes ran the water clear Falling down the side of this mountain ‘Long with ones we fear now: wolf, bear, and lion Still runs the river, still runs the river Still runs the river, still runs the river Don’t wanna be afraid of what we create A body’s gotta learn how to stop and wait When the water fills us with her raging tide We can run or swim, oh you cannot hide Still runs the river, still runs the river Still runs the river, still runs the river
11.
Tally 03:13
Curled up on the bed, nowhere to shake your head Pressed up against the wall and you’re cryin’ How could you leave the shards painted with your own blood Scattered across the floor, now? Tally, Tally Tally, what’s the score, now? Curled up in the hamper, one place to find an answer Empty but tight, oh, you’re tryin’ Where does the leaving stop, packed up and on the ladder? Who is the boss, what’s the chore, now? Tally, Tally Tally, what’s the score, now? Tally is a girl once I knew We still write each other letters Why all the suspicion, you ask of me I’m just piecing it all together Tally, Tally Tally, what’s the score, now?
12.
Trouble 03:49
You say I’m trouble babe, but I know what’s troublin’ you You were gone for so long and don’t know what to do but things don’t really change here, they just move along maybe you’ll feel better when I’m done with this song See there’s a place we like to call the sky, where the sun resides he sheds light on everything we do, he can burn through our lies he can give you anything, anytime you want he can change the shape of your universe maybe if you’re kinder, the world will be kinder shut your eyes, take a breath, and tell me what you see shut your eyes, take a breath, and tell me what you need You say I’m trouble babe, but I know what’s troublin you there are things you’ve thought about that you don’t know how to do but why we tryin’ to name things? everything’s the same thing maybe if I fly to you, you’ll have flown to me there’s a tale I’m told that wraps and molds and keeps us where we’re from sometimes we need to shed it off to have a little fun maybe if you’re kinder, the world will be kinder shut your eyes, take a breath, and tell me what you see shut your eyes, take a breath, and tell me what you need You say I’m trouble babe, but I know what’s troublin you You were gone for so long and don’t know what to do but things don’t really change here, they just move along maybe you’ll feel better when I’m done with this song maybe you’ll feel better when I’m done with this song maybe you’ll feel better when I’m done with this song
13.
Let it Rest 02:12
The window was left open too long, too long, and I can’t rest -- so cold, your warmth, your warmth so close Still I can’t close in enough I’m gonna let it rest, gonna let it rest I’m gonna let it rest, gonna let it rest The circles we paint in the sky blink in the night Who needs them, and how does a man build a home with a song? Who builds him, and how does a bird soar down? I’m gonna let it rest, gonna let it rest I’m gonna let it rest, gonna let it rest I’m gonna let it rest (4x)
14.
Easy like a river down a mountainside Though to rocks and boulders I subside I am learning to dance in the great divide, the great divide Rocks in the river are my friend I keep them cool in summer and they teach me to bend There is no beginning and there is no end, there is no end
15.
Ooh, I am broken, I am broken Ooh, I am broken, I am broken And I don’t wanna be fixed again Why does a bird fall down from a tree, tryin’ a fly before she gets the speed Oh, there’s nothin’ wrong with tryin’, we all gotta fall before we get to flyin’ Sometimes we wanna look pretty… Ooh, I am broken, I am broken Ooh, I am broken, I am broken And I don’t wanna be fixed again How does a bird know when she’s ready to spread her wings and keep ‘em steady Is there a secret sign or a clue the time is right and her vision is true Sometimes it doesn’t look pretty… Ooh, I am broken, I am broken Ooh, I am broken, I am broken And I don’t wanna be fixed again Ooh, I am broken, I am broken Ooh, I am broken, I am broken And I don’t wanna be fixed again I just wanna be what I am

about

To the listener choosing to receive these sounds, thank you. To Mama, Baba, Faruk, and the Earth, to the people who have held my visions as a part of their own. To the hearts behind each name in the chicken, thank you for putting your faith (and money) into this music when that vision was still blurry. Art is seldom created alone, but is often led by a solitary vision. Those who supported this creation are all artists who sacrificed time they could have spent on their own projects to work on mine; for this I am ineffably grateful. To the musicians who played, often on short notice and as a gift, thank you. In particular, to Joe Kaplow for assisting with production decisions, and especially for the arrangement of Trouble. Patrick Brede, thank you for honoring the trust it takes to put things down on record, and for making it fun. Ian and Jason, your faith in my music has helped me see the signs in times of doubt. Drew Felhman, your artful woodblock of the Chicken Mama is impossibly perfect. Peter and Donna Thomas, thank you for the instruction and use of your letterpress for the printing of my album covers. To the Fabrica, for the use of your sewing machines and for providing a community space for the textile arts.

To all my dearest friends, thank you for your support during the at times deeply internal process of sharing my voice. To the Church House homies in the summer of 2016, thank you for letting us turn your living room into a studio for two days and making it a BLAST. Damla and Amelia, you helped write this record through your persistent and loving encouragement, and reminding me of songs that might have otherwise slipped through the cracks. Marya, Mathew, and Guru Dave, thank you for sitting down with me that afternoon in May and helping me sort through these thoughts and songs at the eensy dawn.

Most of these songs were written in 2016 and recorded in 2017, though some were recorded in 2016, written years earlier, or days before the final recording sessions last June. To me, this album is a mosaic of disparate lost selves, and represents coming home with the lightness that allows. My prayer is that the relief and hope these songs have given me can be experienced by you so that your vision, love, and capacity for togetherness may grow clear and bright.

credits

released July 31, 2017

All songs written by Kasia Kugay

Featuring:
Joe Kaplow ~ guitars (2,4,10,12), banjo (8), harmony vocals (2,4,10)
Tyden Binsted ~ double bass (1,2,9), electric bass (4,12)
Alex Bice ~ percussion and drums (2,4)
Elijah McCullor ~ violin (1,9)
Tyler Larson ~ lead guitar (12), electric bass and mandolin (10)
Jeff Wilson ~ drums (10,12)
Jeff Kissell ~ double bass (7,8)
Kai Killion ~ whistle (7)
Balder ten Cate ~ accordion (3)
Bobcat Rob Armenti ~ harmony vocal (10)

Recorded and mixed by Patrick Brede in Santa Cruz, California

Additional recordings by:
Jason Hatfield at the Church House (7,8, harmony vox on 1,9,12)
Ian Thornburgh at Outlaw Fringe Sound (10,11)
Students at Expression College in Oakland and San Jose (1,9,12)

Mastered by Justin Weis at Trakworx, South San Francisco

Cover art by Drew Fehlman
Graphic design by Iris Chi

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chicken mama Santa Cruz, California

Chicken Mama is Kasia Kugay, born and raised in San Francisco and currently residing in Istanbul, Turkey.

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